Void

Have you ever experienced a complete void of emotions before? There was a period of time when I used to be scared, because I felt so empty of emotions. For a long time I didn't feel especially happy, nor sad, nor angry, disappointment...nothing. Everyday I just went about my business totally blank. I felt scared because I thought I will remain like that for the rest of my life. I wanted to feel, to love, to hate, to be able to feel anger. I wanted to feel like a person. When I could break up with someone over the phone in five minutes and didn't feel the least bit upset, I freaked.

Back in high school, I was a hot-blooded person...I loved and hated with passion. It was during those times that I got hurt the most, by the people I trusted and liked. I think somehow I learned to keep everything inside then. But eventually, I let go, and gradually allowed myself to reach out and start feeling again.

Now...I'm starting to hate it. Being able to feel means being able to be hurt. Being able to be hurt means being vulnerable. And I hate nothing more than being vulnerable. I think...it's time for me to get back into that void...